Were You Bullied or Were You the Bully?

Quick – think back to your early school days – were you bullied or were you the bully? Yes, those are the only two choices I’m giving you.

“But wait,” you might be thinking, “I wasn’t the bully and I wasn’t bullied.” OK, I hear you. Did you know someone who was being bullied? Did you do anything about it? No? Then you assisted the bully, putting you on Team Bully.

This way of thinking about bullying may feel very harsh to you, and you’d be right. It is harsh. It’s unrealistic to expect children to automatically step in to protect someone from a bully, because as humans we have a strong pull toward self-preservation. Plus, children’s brains aren’t fully developed and they don’t have the variety of life experiences, not to mention the confidence level, that would help them spot and report, or stop, a bully.

But we’re all adults here – let’s talk about the bullying that goes on in your workplace. Hopefully, it’s a very short conversation and you can say, “we don’t have any bullies here.” Yay, you! Sadly, not many people can say that.

Workplace bullies are more common than most people realize, and bullying comes in many forms. It can be open or indirect threats, humiliation, intimidation, sabotage, withholding information or resources, verbal abuse, and even physical abuse. According to the 2021 Workplace Bullying Institute survey of American workers, 30% have been bullied at work, 19% have witnessed bullying, and 66% are aware of bullying in their workplace.

Those being bullied suffer stress-related diseases and complications like anxiety and panic attacks, high blood pressure, PTSD, and other even more serious syndromes like chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, and irritable bowel disease. The first step to dealing with workplace bullying is awareness and understanding of why a bully bullies. These three episodes of the world’s second-shortest podcast - under 90 seconds per episode - shine a light on the why’s and what to do’s:

Want to know how a bully is like a two-year-old? Here’s a Tiny Bite for that!

Want to learn how not to attract bullies? Here’s a Tiny Bite for that!

Need ideas on dealing with the bully on your team? Here’s a Tiny Bite for that!

Whether you’re being bullied or know of a co-worker who is, it’s likely that your company has a written policy against bullying. Talk to the person responsible for HR compliance and let them know what’s going on. Document the behavior as it happens and write down as many past examples as you can remember, noting the approximate dates and times. Enlist the help of co-workers, documenting what they may have seen or heard and asking if they'll stand with you.

If you’re the co-worker of someone being bullied, it’s your job as a decent human being to be part of the solution. If you’re the manager of a bully, it’s your job as a representative of the company and as a decent human being to be the solution, which means quick, decisive intervention to help the bully behave better, and cutting them loose for the good of the rest of your team when they show you they won’t behave better.

If you’re the bully, just know your behavior puts you at risk, personally and professionally. Get help from a counselor or doctor to deal with your inappropriate behavior before your inappropriate behavior tanks your personal and professional relationships.

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