Gratitude is different than appreciation.
Nice is different than good.
Right is different than fair.
And words intended to solve a problem can be the very way a problem gets way out of hand.
Those three sets of words – gratitude and appreciation, nice and good, right and fair – are often used as synonyms and can mean wildly different things to different people.
If you’re in conflict with someone, don’t assume the words being used mean the same thing to both of you – they probably don’t. When the other person says something that gets under your skin, stop and ask, “can you please explain that a little more for me?” You’re not issuing a challenge, you’re asking for more clarity.
When the two of you understand what you each mean, the pathway to mutual understanding and potential agreement can happen.
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Did your parents encourage you to learn from your mistakes? Mine did, and that’s good advice. Unfortunately, sometimes I got in trouble for making mistakes, which taught me how to deny them.
It’s hard to learn from mistakes you’re not owning up to, so if you learned the same lessons from your parent as I did, here’s a tip – own your mistakes.
Yep, you’re a grown-up now, so no one is the boss of you. Heck, you might even be the boss of a team! When you own your mistakes it frees you up to learn and grow with them, plus it makes you look amazingly strong and ethical.
That’s a pretty good way to look to others, right?
Go ahead – make mistakes, own them, learn from them and move on, confident that you’ve done a great job of adulting.
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How do you feel when something or someone you wanted doesn’t become yours? Maybe it was a new work situation, a new house or even a new spouse?
Well, that question seems stupid, doesn’t it?
Rejection hurts. Rejection is disappointing. And then there’s this - rejection is good because it shows you that you tried.
Failing at anything is a bit of a gut-punch at first, and that’s to be expected because you’re human. Reframe that feeling – remind yourself that you put yourself out there and you tried, and when you try again it could very well turn out in your favor.
Lick your wounds for a moment and then move on – life has more adventures in store for you!
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When you believe you’re beautiful, you are.
When you believe you’re worthy, you are.
When you believe you can do it, you can.
This isn’t just psycho-babble from some happiness nut, it’s grounded in neuroscience and human behavior. You probably know at least one person whose looks are fairly average and yet people mention her beauty. You probably know at least one person who went to school on scholarships, two jobs and a car held together by a guitar string and a prayer, and yet she carries herself confidently. You probably know at least one person who seems to just put words to an idea, like writing a book, and boom – it’s done!
Those people believe they have what it takes. They’re not narcissistic or egotistical, they’re comfortable in their own skin.
And you can be, too.
Because you are beautiful and worthy and capable. Believe it and it will be for you, too.
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It is SO easy to focus on what’s wrong. We’re taught to focus on a problem in order to find a solution, and that’s a fine way to go about solving issues in your own life.
When you take that intelligence and intuitive knowing that you have for yourself and your own life and try to impose it on the lives and behaviors of others, that’s when you’re out of your lane and out of your depth.
Fix what you’d like to fix in your own life and let others fix what they’d like to fix in theirs. You’re not living their life and you’re not in charge of them, so let them make their mistakes and let them learn from those mistakes.
Your life will be so much more peaceful when you remember that you’re not responsible for fixing all the problems in the world, just your own.
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Oh, new love – is there any better feeling than that?
The reason love feels so good is that we are choosing to see the best in the other person and daydreaming of how wonderful the next meeting will be. That’s easy to do when love is new, and tougher the longer you’ve been exposed to the not-so-best in the other person.
No matter how wonderful your new love seems, remember they’re human – inevitably, there’ll be some not-so-good pieces to being with them. Choose to see the best, anyway.
When you do, you keep that “newly in love” feeling for a long time. And PS...you can do this with your co-workers, neighbors, baristas...everyone!
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Maya Angelou said, “Remember – every storm runs out of rain.”
How many literal rainstorms have happened during your lifetime? Hundreds? Thousands?
The only way the number could be that high is because each storm subsided and the sun came out.
That’s a literal version of what happens in life emotionally, too. In the depths of sadness or frustration or a sense of failure, remind yourself that every storm runs out of rain, and this one will, too.
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Everything is beautiful. Everything. It’s up to you to look at in a way that highlights its beauty, not its flaws.
Every neighborhood has that one yard filled with dandelions, threatening to scatter their floating seeds all over everyone else’s pristine lawns.
If you have one of the pristine lawns, you could be irate with your neighbor the dandelion farmer or you could remember how magical it felt as a child to make a wish and blow that round ball of fairy-seeds out to make your wish come true. Or you could look at the not-so-secret life of dandelions and appreciate how they feed bees, keeping them alive and thriving so they can pollinate other, more desirable flowers, fruits and vegetables.
Make it a habit to mentally highlight the beauty of things instead of the irritants or ugliness of them, and feel the contentment that will bring into your life.
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Do you find yourself evaluating the actions of others? The way they dress, talk, look?
We’re not born judgmental, yet many of us turn out that way to one degree or another.
Think about a time when you felt judged – it’s not a good feeling, is it? Maybe you even felt as if you needed to explain yourself…ouch! Sit in that feeling for a moment, and then ask yourself this question – do you want to make others feel that way?
It’s not your job to be the judge of the universe. That’s exhausting because you’ll always see people not doing what you think they should be doing. They have their life to lead and you have yours.
Give yourself the freedom to NOT judge others – you’ll be surprised at how much energy you’ve been giving to something that’s not your job.
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Has someone been unkind to you today?
Has someone tried to manipulate you today?
Has someone lied to you today?
Since you’re dealing with human beings, you’ve probably experienced some level of all of those behaviors today, unless you’re reading this right after waking up.
You can’t control how other people behave, even those who are related to you. You can control what you’ll put up with in your life, and how other people’s bad behavior will affect you. Start by remembering who you are, why what you do matters, and how much value you give to others through the things you do each day.
Be polite and unmoved by those who do wrong things to you. They have no power over you.
None.
When you take away your emotional reactions to their bad behavior, you gut their ability to control you.
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