Wagaliciousness Begins Here!

No one can see past their own expectations.

This is neuroscience in action – have you ever had this happen? You buy a new car and suddenly you see your car everywhere – maybe a different color, but it’s the same car you just chose. That’s your brain, reinforcing your decision to buy that car.

There are far too many things around you that your brain notices for you to take them all in, so your brain concentrates on the ones it feels are most relevant to you. So if you expect – even at a nearly unconscious level – that traffic will be bad, then you’ll notice the places where you have to slow down. If you expect – even at a nearly unconscious level – that the person at the counter will be grouchy, your brain will help you choose the grouchy person to deal with.

What you expect out of your day and your life, your brain will do its best to deliver to you. Expect the best – you deserve it, and your brain will help you get it. 

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How do you define yourself?

Have you ever thought of what you think of you? Take an uninterrupted 15 minutes or so and write down words you hear your brain say about you. Then see if you can find a gentler, kinder, more loving way to say the same thing.

For example, I remember sitting at the back of the 4^th grade classroom after moving from Germany to Georgia, the new kid in the class once again, feeling like all the kids were staring at me, judging me and not liking me. I decided I must not be good enough to be their friend.

What if, instead of deciding I wasn’t good enough, I had been excited about meeting new friends and learning what we had in common? Can you feel how much kinder and more fun that would have been? Can you do that same exercise for yourself?

If your brain tells you things like “you’re not smart enough” talk back to it and say “I enjoy the process of learning new things.” Reframe the words you allow your brain to say to you and watch how much less stress you feel...

Does your brain keep chewing on something that’s outside of your ability to change?

I remember when Dad was in the final stages of Alzheimer’s and my brothers and I made the difficult decision to take away his car keys. I bought his car, and though he was OK with it at first, he came to believe that I stole his car. He began to look at me with hatred in his eyes and the last time I saw him he was yelling at me to get out of his hospice room.

Did it sting? Yes. Did I internalize his anger at me? No, because his brain was broken.

He wasn’t able to process things clearly, and I was. I could have let his anger chew on me and upset me. Instead, even though it hurt when he glared accusingly, I reminded myself that it wasn’t his rational brain in charge, it was his broken one, and it made the only connection it could. I didn’t let my brain keep chewing on the unfairness of his disease and the pain it was causing me. I couldn’t change it, so I loved him and loved myself enough to let the re...

Maybe you’ve heard the saying “time heals all wounds.” Maybe you’ve even had the experience of feeling better about something not-optimal after a certain amount of time has passed. And maybe you know someone who seems to never heal from their not-optimal experience.

Or maybe you are that person on a topic or two.

When Mom died, it took a very long time for me to remember the good times, not her end-times. That means it took a very long time for me to let those wounds heal. It was like I was mentally picking at a scab – I wouldn’t let the healing happen because I wanted my mommy. I had to learn to forgive death – literally! – in order to move on and hold on to the cherished memories instead of the pain of loss.

Quit picking at scabs inside your brain. If something hurts, feel the hurt, love the hurt, forgive the hurt and move on.

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How do you feel when you expect a response from someone and they’re silent?

Do you feel judged? Disrespected? Small?

If so, you’ve gone to MSU – you have NO idea what they’re really thinking. You’re assuming a negative that they may not be thinking or feeling. Heck, maybe they didn’t even hear you!

Silence on their part does not equal “less than” on your part, though that's usually where the human brain goes. Maybe they’re so blown away by your brilliance they have no words.

Stop giving your power away by assuming others are looking down their nose at you – that’s all happening inside YOUR head, not theirs.

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Give the gift of grace, just as you’d like everyone to give you grace.

When someone doesn’t know something, give the gift of teaching without condescending.
When someone makes a mistake, give the gift of gently reminding them what a better path would have been.
When someone lashes out in anger, give them the gift of love, because that’s when they need it most.

We’re all human and we all do stupid and sometimes even mean things. When that happens to you, give the gift of grace, and may you be offered the gift of grace when your human-ness shows, too.

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Over half of Americans don’t use all of their vacation time. Are you in that group?

You earned your time off, you use some of it and at the end of the year, you give some of it back. Would you give back your salary? I don’t think so, so why do you give back your sanity?

Time away from work to do something soul-satisfying is one of the very best ways to gain and retain the work/life balance many people find elusive. Yes, you love what you do. Yes, you are an integral part of a functioning team. And yes, they can and will do fine without you while you recharge your batteries.

Experience your life, don’t just live it – take all of your vacation time. All of it. How you choose to use it is up to you.

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You can’t worry about someone and love them at the same time.

Worry is focusing on the weakness you see in that person, and when you’re looking at their weaknesses – which we all have! – you’re not loving them.

To a lot of people, worry feels like love, but loving someone is choosing to focus on what’s right about them and what’s right in their life, not what’s wrong.

What you focus on is what you see – if you’re used to worrying about things and people, just for today try to catch yourself worrying and shift your focus. Focus on what’s good about them and their situation. Sometimes you have to be creative and intentional in order to see good in a less-than-optimal situation. Use your powerful brain…shift your focus…and love that situation or person. Everyone involved will benefit from your more positive outlook. 

Want more? Click here for a free audio course, "Happiness is an Inside Job"

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Think of the most positive person you know. They may be so positive that sometimes they annoy you with their sunny outlook. Now, take this in – that person has negative thoughts, just like you.

Neuroscience research has documented the brain’s negativity bias – it’s a survival trait that we don’t really need anymore but it still persists. Even the most positive people have negative thoughts. They just don’t let their negative thoughts control their day, and you can make the same choice.

It sounds easy and often it’s not easy. It can be done – when you find yourself feeling helpless, hopeless or headed for a downward spiral of horribilizations, use a mental stop sign and distract yourself. Think about something else, laugh at yourself for thinking old, not-helpful thoughts, and if all else fails, sing a song out loud. You can't think negative thoughts when you're singing.

It’s harder at first, and the more you catch yourself and distract yourself, the easier it becomes. Try it today.

You know how someone gives you the willies?
You know that one thing that when you eat it, you don’t feel good the next day?
You know there’s that one street you avoid driving down and you don’t know why?

Trust those feelings.

Gut reactions – knee-jerk responses – intuition – no matter what you call feelings like that, trust them. Your skin is the largest organ on your body - do you think maybe it's picking up up "bad vibes?" Research is ongoing and also pointing in that direction. Your gut has the same receptor cells as your brain, and they're tuned into emotions and emotional reactions - do you think your enteric brain might be trying to tell you something? Research is answering that question with a resounding "yes."

Your brain and body are picking up on something that you may not understand, and it’s ok that you don’t understand it. Trust it. You know what you know…trust what you know, whether you can explain what you know or not.

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