Someone I know works in a difficult environment. She is surrounded by people who aren’t her co-workers, they’re her competitors. The company fosters the competition between employees, and while some of them thrive in that environment, my friend doesn’t.
The money is good. The benefits are solid. And she’s miserable.
Instead of being proactive and looking for an environment more suited to her strengths, she keeps beating her head against the wall and then complaining about the wall. She rails at how unsupportive her boss is, how cut-throat her co-workers are and how she’s not appreciated.
And she is creating all of that angst for herself by not facing reality.
Her boss got to where she is in that company by being competitive, and by fostering the competitive nature in her team members. Her co-workers are cut-throat because that’s what’s expected of them. And she’s not appreciated because she’s not a good fit.
Maybe you can relate? Next time you’re in a spot like that, face reality....
Do you love old Fleetwood Mac songs? The sound of Stevie Nicks’ voice enthralled me, and her lyrics inspired me.
Her songs are often about the moment when life changes in a big way – like the painful betrayal that ends a relationship in The Chain and thinking about the mortality of a parent in Landslide. Even though her songs were often written as a way for her to get through the not-OK times in her life, she’s a role model for being OK. In an interview she said, “All the things you’re afraid of will come and they will go, and you’ll be alright.”
Behold, Stevie Nicks, the neuroscientist.
When something bad happens, the brain gears up for it. Coping mechanisms are put into place without us even being aware. Have you ever looked back at a crisis that happened to you or around you and you’re kind of in awe of how you handled it? Hold that thought…hold that feeling.
Stevie Nicks has it just right – when we focus on our fears we scare ourselves. When the thing we fear happens, we deal w...
Are there people who have abused your good nature in the past? Maybe you valued them, and they betrayed you, and you feel “less than” from that experience.
Can I offer you a different way to look at it?
You went into the relationship – work, romance, whatever – with trust and an open heart. That takes courage. You gave them the benefit of the doubt, even when there were subtle warning signs. That takes strength of conviction. And you’re here now, hearing this or reading this because you survived the betrayal. That takes perseverance.
You aren’t “less than” – you’re literally more than you were before the betrayal happened. You are strong, brave and resilient. Please don’t beat yourself up because someone else abused your good nature – that’s you, doing to yourself what was done to you. Do better – appreciate your strength, your growth, and your trusting heart.
Want more? Click here for a free audio course, "Happiness is an Inside Job"
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This Friday is the International Day of Veterinary Medicine. Do you have pets? Does your veterinarian know you by sight, and maybe even remember your pet’s name? Then you’ve got the makings of a great client. Want to achieve greatness? Here are three rules deeply explained in my book, Happy Vet Happy Pet – Caring for Your Pet’s Caregiver The three simple rules:
If every client followed these three simple rules, veterinarians and their teams would be able to breathe a sigh of relief, they would feel less stressed, and the suicide rate in the veterinary community would g...
This Friday is the International Day of Veterinary Medicine. Do you have pets? Does your veterinarian know you by sight, and maybe even remember your pet’s name? Then you’ve got the makings of a great client. Want to achieve greatness? Here are three rules deeply explained in my book, Happy Vet Happy Pet – Caring for Your Pet’s Caregiver The three simple rules:
If every client followed these three simple rules, veterinarians and their teams would be able to breathe a sigh of relief, they would feel less stressed, and the suicide rate in the veterinary community would g...
Pardon me if I burst into rhyme in this podcast – I’ll do my best to refrain from channeling Dr. Seuss.
Did you have his books when you were a child? If you have children, do your children enjoy his silly words, rhymes and deep wisdom? Yes, wisdom from Dr. Seuss – his books are filled with wisdom and life skills tucked in among the colorful pictures.
One of my favorite Dr. Seuss-isms is “you have to be odd to be number one.” Or maybe that’s a quote attributed to him and he never said it. It sounds like he should have so let’s say that he did.
We’re all a bit odd in some way, and sadly many of us are more concerned with fitting in, so we try to hide our oddness. It’s that oddness that makes us unique, so embrace your inner odd, let it shine and get set to be number one!
Want more? Click here for a free audio course, "Happiness is an Inside Job"
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Are you a type-A personality? Driven to achieve, a bit of a perfectionist and someone who moves from goal to goal without stopping to celebrate your achievements? A lot of leaders are just like that, so if that’s you, you’re in good company.
A lot of leaders suffer from stress, lack of work/life balance and disillusionment, and if that’s you, then here’s an easy tool to help you find more balance and pleasure in life – focus on the steps toward the goal instead of the goal itself.
Let’s say the goal is to ride a horse from one end of a 5-mile road to the other – break that goal into the steps it will take to accomplish it. First, brush the horse down. Enjoy the peace of being in the company of a willing partner. Tack the horse up – bridle, reins, saddle blanket and saddle. Marvel at the training that’s gone into the horse as it patiently allows you to dress it. Get into the saddle. Enjoy your new view of the world from a higher stance. As you and the horse take your 5-mile ride, take...
Someone has done you wrong. You could probably tell the story of how they broke a promise, took something you valued or even physically harmed you. And to a lot of people, the worst part of that wrongdoing is that the person never owned it, never apologized, never made amends. They just went on with their life, leaving you to deal with the aftermath.
How do I know this about you?
Because everyone has at least one of these stories. Stop telling the story. Stop picking the scab off. Stop defining yourself by an old wound.
They never apologized? So what – pretend they did so you can move on. We’ve talked before about how your brain can’t tell the difference between an actual event or the memory of the event – harness this brainpower to make yourself feel better.
Change the story – the person is remorseful and wishes they hadn’t hurt you. They’ve grown and changed over time and one day they get the strength to show up on your doorstep, teary-eyed and full of apologies. You, being the g...
Have you ever counseled a friend and said something like, “you’re looking for love in all the wrong places?” Heck, there’s even at least one old country song with that title!
Brain science is clear – humans gravitate to the familiar, even when it’s bad for them. This is as true of relationships as it is with food, tobacco and alcohol.
One of the main ways most humans create their own stress is by looking to others for appreciation, acknowledgement and love. Maybe you know someone who is completely driven by the need for recognition – it gets exhausting, doesn’t it? Sometimes they’re sulky for no apparent reason, and it’s because they need to feel loved and appreciated and don’t.
Love, appreciation, acknowledgement, and recognition feels good and here’s the secret – it feels real when it comes from us first. When you love and appreciate yourself, you don’t need it from others.
And when you’re not needy it’s easier for others to love and appreciate you!
Want more? Click here for a f...
Possibly the most potent word in any language is “possibility.”
The possibility of something is where innovation happens. The possibility of improvement is where change happens. The king of harnessing the power of possibilities was inventor Thomas Edison, who said “When you’ve exhausted all possibilities, remember this – you haven’t.”
If something is feeling impossible to you today, shift your focus to something else. Dwelling on something that feels impossible usually makes it feel less possible, not more possible.
Borrow my mental game – when I don’t know how to do something I give it to the committee in the back of my head. By that I mean I hand off the need to think about it until a good idea occurs to me. When it does, I give the credit to the committee in the back of my head and celebrate their brilliance.
Behold the possibilities of possibility!
Want more? Click here for a free audio course, "Happiness is an Inside Job"
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