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What's the Argument About...Really?

Uncategorized Nov 28, 2022

Are you someone who finds yourself in arguments more than a couple of times a week? Or maybe you live with or work with someone who likes to argue?

What’s the argument really about?

Arguments are almost never about what they seem to be about – it’s not whether or not the trash is staying in the kitchen too long or the pants are hanging on the hanger wrong or the copier paper trays were all left empty…again!

People who argue a lot do it because they want recognition and validation, and if they have to argue to get it, so be it.

In a supportive environment, that recognition and validation will happen naturally – that’s how great teams operate. In an environment that might be lacking empathy and understanding between team members, arguments are the natural outgrowth. People want to find a solution that will solve a problem, once and for all. In a supportive environment, they work together to solve it. Otherwise, they argue and nothing gets solved.

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Using Your Words...on Purpose!

Uncategorized Nov 27, 2022

When did that phrase “use your words” become popular? Best guess is sometime in the late 1980’s or early 90’s when it started showing up in parenting books, television shows and comedian’s stand-up routines.

While it’s an odd way to phrase it, “use your words” is great advice.

We all think people understand us way more than they do. Even those closest to us don’t know what’s really going on inside our heads and our hearts. So – when you’re feeling frustrated, say so. When you’re feeling elated, say so. Sad? Share with someone close to you how you’re feeling. Angry? Don’t make people guess why – say what you need to say. Feel like you were wrong? Apologize. Out loud. To the person who needs to hear it.

Our ability with language sets us apart from most of the other mammals on the planet. Our inability to use it when emotions are strong is the cause of almost all the misunderstandings in our...

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Using the Power of the Past

Uncategorized Nov 26, 2022

Are you facing a problem right now? Does it feel big, like something you’re not sure you can handle? Usually I tell you to let go of the past, but at times like this it can be good to embrace the past.

Specially selected pieces of the past, though.

Grab a pen and paper and give yourself a few minutes to think of times in the past when you faced a big problem. Don’t concentrate on the problem, just jot it down. Jot down as many as you can think of in a few minutes, and then stop and look at your list. Look at your list, then notice your heartbeat. Look at your list, then notice the temperature of the air around you. Look at your list and appreciate the fact that you survived all the things on your list.

You’ve done it before and you will do it again.

Problems are part of life. Confidence is knowing you’ve been through problems before and you can and will get through this current one, too. Use this exercise whenever you feel like you have a too-big-to-handle...

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The Superpower of a Great Leader

Uncategorized Nov 25, 2022

A lot of people are in leadership positions they didn’t really seek out. I’ve been there once or twice – you, too?

Maybe you’re perceived as the leader because you’re in a decision-making position, even though you’re not technically the staff supervisor. That can be tough – you have all of the responsibilities with none of the authority, and yet the staff still looks to you for direction.

Even if you never wanted to be a leader, you need to act like one, and this one tip can help. Do your best to understand each person you work with.

  • What lights their fire? Where did they grow up?
  • Where are they in the birth order?
  • Where are they where significant relationships are concerned?
  • If money was no object, what would they do with their time?

Find out who they are at a heart level, not just a head level. When you reach for understanding you invite understanding, and when a team understands each other, they work well together.

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The Secret Path to Finding Yourself

Uncategorized Nov 24, 2022

Do you know anyone who’s trying to find themselves? Maybe you?

The feeling of being lost in your own life is disconcerting – it can feel like you’ve been set adrift in an ocean of unknown. The feeling of needing to find yourself often happens in the wake of a major life change, like the loss of a loved one or relationship, or a life milestone like graduation or marriage. Suddenly there’s a very new, different dynamic and it feels unfamiliar because it is unfamiliar.

The secret to finding yourself when you’re feeling lost is to realize your brain knows the old pattern and it will take a few days for it to get up to speed on your new life and new routines. Be kind and patient with yourself while your brain figures out the new pattern.

You won’t feel the need to find yourself anymore because you’re not truly lost. You’ve been there all along.

Want more? Click herefor a free audio course, "Happiness is an Inside Job"

#veterinarian...

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Shedding the Fairy Tale

Uncategorized Nov 23, 2022

Are you stuck in a land of fairy tale expectations?

No, I’m serious – many people grow up believing that life should be like a fairy tale. They don’t intentionally believe it – they read and heard those fairy tale stories so often in their lives that they internalized a false narrative filled with heroes and villains. In those fairy tales, the villains get their come-uppance, and the heroes live happily ever after.

Life isn’t like that at all – life is a series of decisions we get to make, then we see if we like the way it turns out, and then we make some more decisions. There isn’t some hero who’ll ride in and magically make your life OK – you are the hero in your life. You are the one who will choose what looks like “happily ever after” to you, and then decide if you want to change it.

There’s not one event in your life that will magically make your life good forevermore – there’s one you, deciding...

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There's Good News and Bad News

Uncategorized Nov 22, 2022

There are a lot of cliches about laughter:

  • Laughter is the best medicine.
  • Laugh until you cry.
  • Laugh all the way to the bank.
  • He who laughs last laughs loudest.
  • I’ll be having the last laugh.
  • I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you.

There is no doubt that laughter is good for you, body and soul. Laughing releases your body’s feel-good chemicals, lowering your blood pressure and easing stress. Laughing with a group of people creates a release of oxytocin, the hormone closely related to feelings of connectedness, community and caring. Laughter therapy has even been incorporated into chemotherapy regimens, which seems to help cancer patients handle the chemo better and has been associated in some research studies with better long-term survival rates.

There’s a ton of evidence that laughter is good for you, so making ways to intentionally add more levity into your day is a great idea.

The bad news about laughter is that, no matter how hard you try,...

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Soooooooo Much Food!

Uncategorized Nov 22, 2022

If you’re like most people in the US, me included, this week has a big holiday in it that requires a lot of attention and planning. Maybe you’re hosting, maybe you’re taking a side dish or dessert, maybe you’re traveling to be with family, and maybe your attention and emotions are on how you’ll handle a holiday without someone or someones that you want to be with on Thanksgiving. Here’s a public service announcement:

Stop. Take a breath.

Thursday is Thanksgiving in the United States. It’s often the culmination of weeks of planning and days of cleaning and cooking. Recipes that only come out once a year are handed down through generations of cooks, each one hoping that they’re not the one that screws it up. Lives that are already hectic have more to-do items and expectations heaped on them. For many, the point of Thanksgiving where they become truly thankful is when it’s over.

Take a moment, right now, to do something radical...

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Your Storytelling Power

Uncategorized Nov 21, 2022

Your life is created by the stories you tell. What kind of stories are you telling?

And are you mentally arguing with this premise right now? It’s ok…many people would.

My Grandma Faught told stories of her poor health, poor bodily functions, and poor relationships with people. She was always the unfortunate, sad focus of her stories, and her life, just like her stories, was filled with doctor visits, unpleasant procedures and neighbors who didn’t like her and wouldn’t help her.

There’s brain science to back up how your life is created by the stories you tell – in every moment, there’s far too much input for your brain to be able to capture all of it, so it captures and catalogues the kinds of things you are generally focused on. Our brains unconsciously shape our perception of reality to meet our needs, desires, and past experiences.

So once again, take in this thought and apply it to yourself – your life is created by the stories...

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The Problem with the Strong, Silent Type

Uncategorized Nov 20, 2022

Do you know someone who is the strong, silent type? Maybe you?

People who seem to go through life meeting every challenge, quietly dealing with major life problems, and being the rock for others are easy to take for granted. They don’t ask for help. They don’t even seem to need help.

The strong, silent type is the person others go to for help, and then move on when their problems abate.

The strong, silent type of person has problems, too. If you know someone who fits this description – maybe you – that person needs a friend who’ll listen. A friend who’ll ask questions until the silent one starts talking. They need a place to be vulnerable and ask for a listening ear, a caring heart and maybe even a little bit of help.

We all need someone like that. If you know a strong, silent type, please be that friend. If you are the strong, silent type, please let your friend in.

Want more? Click here for a free audio course, "Happiness is an Inside...

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