Maybe you’ve been present when this common and incredibly childish behavior showed up: one person belittling another for how they look, sound, or something they did.

It’s an easy mistake to make, and yet it’s probably going to hurt feelings, and it only serves to make the one who spoke up look petty at best and like a mean bully at worst. You will never make yourself look good by making someone else look bad.

I did something clumsy, ended up with an injury, and the friend taking me to urgent care said, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about moving like that.” I know this person well, including knowing that she had a difficult relationship with her mom, so in my mind it was her mother coming out of her mouth, not her.

If you’re ever tempted to point out the error of someone’s ways in the midst of a painful episode, remember this: you will never make yourself look good by making someone else look bad, plus you might just damage the relationship so badly that it’s not fixable.

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