Usually I ask you to focus on the positive aspects of whatever is happening to you and around you. Today is something completely different – today I want you to take a few minutes and make a list of the not-optimal things that have happened in your life.

My list would include losing both parents, the sudden end of my 30-year marriage, and a bunch of other painful episodes. Write as many as you can think of, and while you’re writing, don’t focus on how you felt when each event happened, just the events themselves.

Once you’ve made the list, think about what each episode taught you and how it helped you grow in wisdom. Write down what you know now that you didn’t know before – the lessons learned about yourself and about your place in the world. Write down how you’ve grown as a person, as a friend, as a partner, as a leader – wherever you can see growth in yourself, write it down.

Now, focus on that list. Study it, internalize it, feel proud of your growth. Maybe take a picture of the list and keep it in your phone, so when you’re tempted to beat yourself up about something you can look at the list and remind yourself that you’re a work in progress and are constantly growing.

That’s a focus that will serve you!

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