Want to help someone feel heard and understood?

A big part of active listening is agreement, especially when the other person is upset. You might truthfully agree with something they said, so that makes this step easy – just say “I agree with you on (whatever the topic is.)”

Maybe you don’t agree – you can still use the words “I agree” and agree with a broader concept instead of how they’re currently perceiving things. Maybe you could say “I agree that it’s good for us to be talking about this.”

Let them know that the conversation has been helpful to you and maybe even that you learned something. You might think they’re completely off base, and yet you can still truthfully say something like, “thank you for showing me how important (this topic) is to you – you’ve helped me a lot today.”

They leave the conversation knowing that you’ve heard and understood them, and that’s good in every relationship.

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