Can You Appreciate Loss?
Hi {{ first_name }},
Have you ever lost a pet? Can you remember the physicalness of the pain – the pain in your chest, the hollowness of your being, the emptiness in your home? What is that? Why is that?
There’s a reason the phrase “suffer a loss” is used. It’s because it’s accurate. Research on the relationship between physical and emotional pain points to the idea that emotional pain has a survival benefit – it alerts us to the fact that something has changed in our lives that we need to pay attention to.
Babies – baby humans, baby dogs, baby cats – have a very specific alarm cry when they’re without their mother. Neuroscientist and professor Yorem Yovell has studied the brain waves of crying infants of different species and found that not only are they experiencing the emotional pain of loss, they’re experiencing physical pain as well. The feeling of loss, it turns out, is both physical and emotional. It’s designed that way, just as the cry itself is designed to call the mother back to the infant.
If you’re like me, a dedicated pet owner, you’ve probably experienced the pain of loss, too. There are people who’ll say “it was only a dog” or “don’t you think this is a long time to grieve over losing a pet?” Those callous comments aren’t helpful.
Everyone deals with loss differently, and no one can give you a timeline to follow.
Feel what you feel. Deal with what you feel. Feelings are human, so please don’t beat yourself up for feeling however you’re feeling. The pain is both emotional and physical, and it’s meant to be that way. It lets you know that something that mattered a lot to you is missing in your life.
Understanding and even finding a way to appreciate the pain of loss takes you from being an observer of your life to being the leader of your life. That’s what moving through the pain of loss is – holding the reins of your life as you grieve and slowly using them to direct your life going forward. As you scroll through the socials today, you might see memes reminding you to share a picture or light a candle in remembrance of pets you’ve lost, because today is World Pet Memorial Day. You can create a special remembrance of your lost loved one, too, if that resonates with you.
Oh, and that part about how we can’t “suffer” a loss without suffering? The pain is just a reminder of the love. For me, and maybe for you, too, it helps to remember the love. The pain is real because the love is real.
Is. Not was.
In memory of (and still in love with) Aleks, Kosie, BeeDee, Rhapsody, Melody, Dean, Mushka, Addie, Bruce, Chapin, Billy, Bonnie, Duffy, and Henley. All took a piece of my heart when they left, though each gave me all of theirs in return.
Wags,
Sandy Weaver
The Voice of Wagaliciousness
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