Another Way to Look at Forgiveness

No matter how many different ways you hear that forgiveness is good for you, you might still think that there are some people who don’t deserve your forgiveness. That's a normal, human feeling. Can I help you change your mind about that?

The concept of good and evil is drilled into us in so many ways from before we take our first tottering steps. The adults around us model unforgiveness and holding grudges and use language that subtly – or sometimes not so subtly – lets us know that there are dire consequences for misbehaving. We see others not forgiving and talking about not forgiving and so we think it must be ok or good or even admirable to never forgive certain people for certain things.

A healthier way to look at so-called unforgivable behavior is this – when you forgive someone for something they did, you put them on notice that they’re not in charge of your emotions. They don’t control you because of what they did to you.

You control you.

You choose how you feel and what you focus on. Forgiveness gives you the tools to walk away, because if you’re still angry and vengeful, then the person who did you wrong is still in control of you and your emotions.

And you don’t want that, right? 

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